My Favorite ASD Picky Eater Tool
Every mom of a picky eater wishes there was ONE magical tool they could buy to make their child eat better. Sometimes in our first appointment together mommas even ask me: What do I need to get to make this work?
Wouldn’t we all be willing to invest in that ONE THING that we knew was going to solve our problems? I know I would!
The truth is, there isn’t one simple thing you can bring to the table that will “fix” picky eating. When kids on the spectrum struggle with longstanding feeding challenges, it’s often the result of multiple factors. If it were easy, you would have already figured it all out. Kids with picky eating can - and do - improve with support, but let me be clear: This is complicated stuff! It requires a whole team of people, for heaven’s sake!
That said, today I want to share with you the one tool that I use and recommend for every, single family that I work with. I’m not blowing smoke when I say that this is THE TOOL that I think every picky eater mom needs to have in her arsenal. It’s the thing as a feeding therapist that I would be lost without.
It’s not fancy.
It’s not expensive.
It’s not even that novel.
It’s a timer.
Yep. A timer. I’m about to tell you 5 ways that a timer will make your life better. Before I get to that though, let me “show and tell” what a good one looks like.
A really good timer is visual and sits on the table.
It might look like this:
Or this:
And preferably, it’s not on your phone or iPad or other awesome device that certainly has a timer. ….because that awesome device probably has a gazillion other distracting features on it that will make your child want to use it as a toy, and maybe even be upset, when all you let them see is the timer app “because it’s time to eat!”
Sound good?
Now let’s talk about how to use this lovely visual timer.
Use It to Transition to the Meal
If your house (or therapy room!) is anything like mine, the exact moment when the food will reach the table is uncertain, and asking my honey (or someone else’s) to sit and wait for the food for more than a couple minutes can be hard. Instead, I like to wait until things are all or mostly ready to go, and then ask a child to wash hands and sit down. This does not, however, leave tons of time for warning, and a kiddo may be engaged in something really fun.
Enter the timer.
When the meal is close to hot and ready, I set the timer for 1 or 2 minutes and set it next to the child. As I do this, I say: When the timer goes off, playtime is all done and we are going to eat.
(You could pump up the volume on this strategy by adding in a visual schedule too.)
Then, when the timer sounds, I ask the child to help me turn it off, and then, head to their seat at the table.
A Note About Transitions:
Please know that even though a timer is a respectful way to let your honey in on the notion that they are about to make a transition, transitions can still be really hard. As you start to implement this new routine, your kiddo may become upset when the timer goes off and even refuse to transition. If this happens, do your best to keep your cool. Simply let your honey know that there will be more time to play after the meal (or whenever the next time will be) and keep things moving along. The longer you delay the transition, the longer your child is stuck in limbo-land (wondering whether or not they really need to transition) and the more challenging this can be.
If your kiddo tends to struggle with transitions, check out the article I have posted below under the heading: Related Resources Around the Web, for more ideas to try.
Use It to End the Meal
Some kids need a finite meal ending. They may be a drive-by eater who likes to graze on their plate for an hour or two. Or, maybe you have a kiddo who doesn’t recognize their body’s fullness cues, and they tend to eat for longer than they need. In either case, having a timer allows you to say, “Mealtime’s all done, you can have more later,” when everyone hears the beep-beep.
A timer is also helpful for ending a meal when a child is refusing foods on their plate. (“Refusing” might look like passively pushing food around their plate or engaging in more challenging behaviors like throwing, spitting, or even tantrums.) It’s nice to be able to say that the meal is over “because it’s time” rather than, “if you aren’t going to eat, we’ll be all done.” The former teaches your child that meals are over after they’ve had a reasonable portion of time to eat. The latter teaches your child exactly how to end future meals: refuse to eat.
Use It as a Scapegoat
Ever get the crumby sense that your kiddo “blames you” when you make an unpopular decision? Like, “Mom, why did you say it was time for dinner right when I was having fun?”
Get ready to shed that feeling! When you have a timer around, nothing is your fault! You set the timer and when it goes beep-beep, you say, “Oh! The timer says it’s time to eat,” or “I know it would be fun to keep playing, I wish we could, too, but the timer says we have to go have a snack.”
Momma, you didn’t decide it was time for the timer to beep. The timer did! Phew!
Use It to Teach Your Child to Sit at the Table
I have a whole bunch of guidance on how to do this here.
Use It to Get Your Child on a Mealtime Schedule
You might know this by now, but grazing is kind of like my nemesis when it comes to picky eating. It makes eating the right amount of food hard. It makes eating a balanced plate hard. It makes trying new foods REALLY hard.
How can we get kids out of the grazing rut? Rather than having free access to the kitchen all day, open it for a few mealtimes daily. This is 5-6 times per day when you offer a meal or snack to your child for an interval of time. That interval of time – you guessed it! – can be managed by the timer.
If your kiddo asks you for a snack outside of a mealtime, let them know how much longer until mealtime, and use the visual timer to help them track it.
If your kiddo says they’re not hungry at mealtime, offer them a plate at the table, and let them know they can get down when the timer goes off. They can decide how much they eat, but you are holding space and time for the opportunity – even if for just a few minutes.
Other Related Resources Around the Web:
Read this for more helpful tools on transitioning.
In Conclusion
A visual timer is a handy-dandy little tool that can help you masterfully improve a variety of mealtime struggles. There’s nothing that I like to use more to tidy-up transitions, set a schedule, end meals, teach sitting, and shake-off blame!
Have I convinced you that a visual timer is something you can’t live without?
This is not medical advice and is provided for educational purposes. As I describe here, a thorough assessment by a team of professionals before making mealtime changes is best practice.
