How to Create an Enjoyable Holiday Dinner for You AND Your Picky Eater

Create an Enjoyable Holiday Dinner for You AND Your Picky Eater

The holiday season is upon us, and a number of festive holiday dinner opportunities are quickly approaching. Whether your family will be celebrating Diwali, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Lunar New Year, or another special holiday event, you may be wondering how to best plan to make this day special and inclusive for your neurodivergent picky eater. Today, let’s dive in and figure it out together!

Holidays Bring a Lot of Changes

Holidays can bring significant changes in routine, which can be challenging for some kids. For example, your child’s schedule and mealtimes may be altered due to days off from school. Their sleep schedule may also shift for the same reason. Your child maybe experiencing a change in your availability as you prepare for a special holiday with additional shopping, cleaning, decorating, or meal prep.

Next, let’s consider the holiday meal itself. There are a number of hidden social rules, lots of new or infrequently served foods, novel smells, heightened expectations, and additional people present at holiday dinners.

All of these shifts in schedules, changes in attention, and mealtime can cause dysregulation in any child (and, let’s be honest, any grown-up, too!) but all this change can be especially significant for your neurodivergent kiddo.

Always Start with Goal-setting

Before we can plan any steps to take to create an enjoyable, festive meal for your child and family, let’s stop and think for a moment about what you really want for you and your child to get out of your holiday meal experience. This might include asking your child what they love about this holiday, or if your child is unable to communicate this with you, considering where you think your child finds joy in the holiday.

Here are some questions to help you generate your goals:

Do you really want your child to be present at the holiday meal so that other extended family members can get to know how lovely and special your child is?
Do you really want your child to eat a particular food or foods at the family meal? Maybe there is a special family food tradition that is very important to you.
Would you really like to see your child eating (any food) at the family meal? Maybe you’re looking to foster shared enjoyment, but don’t care too much about whether your child eats what is being served.
Do you want to savor this time at the holiday meal with the other grown-ups? Maybe having your child at the dinner table isn’t a goal at all.

In case this last one resonates with you, and you need to hear it: Your self-care is important. Your enjoyment of a holiday meal is important! This is not a selfish goal! Also, eating this meal may not be where the joy is found for your child in this holiday. Or, maybe you came about this goal because you already know that and are respecting that for your kiddo. If you want to share holiday joy with your child outside of a mealtime, absolutely do that!

There are no right or wrong answers here! We can all have very different and still very wonderful goals for our holiday meals. :) The important thing is to define what your wonderful holiday meal looks like related to your child, so, that you can build a plan that helps you fulfill that goal.

Holiday Meal Strategies for Neurodivergent Children

Now that you have determined what your goal for the holiday meal is, here are some practical strategies to consider to make your desires a reality. You’ll want to pick and choose from the strategies here as well as brainstorm your own based on the goal(s) you have set.

If you want your child to be present at the table so family members can get to know your child better:

In advance, request a seating arrangement from the host that is supportive of your child. This may mean seating your child close to a favorite relative or placing your child furthest from a food item that’s particularly noxious to your child-or a known food allergen.

If you want your child to be present at the table for a while, plan to provide activities or toys that your child can enjoy at the table. Think about things you might bring or use at a restaurant. Here are some ideas to get you started:

To support your child with engaging in communication at the table, consider priming relatives with questions they can ask your child related to their interests.
If your child uses an AAC device, you might work with your child, or in partnership with their SLP, to identify some appropriate communication goals to target in preparation for the meal. Paying a special compliment to the host or asking a question at the table could really highlight your non-speaking child’s communication strengths and big heart.

If your child is speaking, you might practice how to request that something be passed at the table or how to appropriately refuse a dish.

Free Strategies for Picky Eating and Autism

If you really want your child to eat a particular food or foods at the family meal:

Begin to introduce your child to the food well in advance of the holiday to increase their familiarity with this food. You’ll want to offer the food many times in order to give your child exposure to the food before the main event.

If your child has a favorite plate or utensil that might make the meal more approachable for your honey, consider packing that to bring along. On that note, using a playlist that they prefer, or offering a favorite food alongside the particular dish you are asking them to eat could go a long way toward making the meal more fun and approachable for your child.

If you want to see your child eating (any foods) at the family meal and are targeting shared enjoyment:

Consider packing a lunchbox full of favorites that your child can open and eat at the table.

Alternatively, think about bringing a filling dish to pass or a hearty appetizer that your child enjoys that you can serve them at the table alongside other guests.

Consider new expectations that are developmentally appropriate for your child to learn prior to the event. This could be a table expectation such as using a napkin or a social skill such as asking someone a question to spark conversation.

If you want to savor this time at the holiday meal with the other grown-ups:

Identify an activity your child can engage in independently while the adults eat. This could mean setting up a craft table for any kids who opt out or finish early, or putting on a video.

If your child isn’t eating at the holiday table, you might want to consider other ways to include them. Maybe your child could create the music playlist, write or type the place cards, or craft the centerpiece for the table. These are all fun ways they can contribute to the dinner festivities while highlighting their talents.

No matter your holiday goal, here are some additional ideas that might be helpful:

You might write a social story about the approaching holiday traditions and begin to read it to your child so that they are aware of the special meal and your expectations for them.

Consider sharing what your expectations are for your child with the host or other important family members in advance of the event, too. When everyone is operating cohesively to support you or your child with your goals, things almost always go more smoothly!

Talk with the host to identify a quiet, calm area of the home for your child in the event that they need a space to go if the holiday becomes overwhelming. Practice going to the space with your child when you first arrive, if possible.

Likewise, plan to bring a few familiar items for your child – either calming ones for cuddling up in a cozy space, or favorite things.

By proactively considering your holiday meal goals as well as these strategies, you can create a positive and inclusive holiday dinner experience for both your neurodivergent picky eater and the entire family. With thoughtful planning and open communication, you can navigate this special occasion with confidence and success. You’ve got this!

Happy holidays!

>>>Do you have other holiday strategies that work for you and your family? Please share your tips in the comments so we can all benefit!