ARFID, Autism, and Eating Behaviors: You Are Not Alone

In my day job, I teach a weekly class series to parents. The class is for parents of children with feeding challenges ranging from “selective eating” (fancy for very picky eating) to total food refusal resulting in tube feedings.

The children may have complicated medical histories, anxiety, and/or autism spectrum disorder. Nearly all of them are diagnosed with ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). 

Challenging Eating Behaviors

At the start of each class series, I ask families to introduce themselves to one another and to share a little bit about their child’s feeding challenges. As they do this, I hear parents talk about heart-breaking issues:

 the 5 foods their child eats on repeat,

the foods jags that result in lost foods,

the sippy cup their child has to have in order to drink - that was discontinued by the manufacturer 2 years ago,

the total hiatuses from eating their child sometimes takes,

the fact that their child “used to” eat really well… until the early toddler years,

the food textures that make their child squeamish,

the difficulties their child has with gaining enough weight to grow,

the difficulty their child has with gaining weight too quickly,

the frustration with trying (and trying again) to get off of a feeding tube

the constipation caused by their child’s selective diet

the gagging and vomiting that occurs when they offer new foods

 Parents sometimes share about concerns with their honey’s behavior at mealtimes. Their child has challenging behaviors or meltdowns. Sometimes, self-injury. Many of them say that introducing new foods to their honey is so hard because they don’t want to trigger behaviors.

Lots of times, parents will say it’s so hard to introduce new things that they’ve stopped trying.

In some classes, I’ll hear a parent say that they’ve worked with multiple providers and had little or no improvement in their child’s eating. Sometimes parents share that a well-meaning expert has told them to wait their child out - and that will make them start eating healthier foods. …And then their child ate nothing for as long as the parent could stand it.

The Lesson: You Are Not Alone

The most frequent feedback that comes from this first class, full of intros to one another, is that the parents have never met other families struggling with the same circumstances. I have had parents admit to being shocked that not only did they learn that ONE other parent has had similar experiences, but MULTIPLE.

On a few occasions, I’ve had a parent look down at their hands when they say that they’ve never met another parent with feeding issues as challenging as their own child’s, and now they know someone who’s child’s eating is more challenging than their own.

I see in these moments the tremendous compassion, that a parent, who's heart is aching for their own child, is now feeling for someone else’s child. 

 This truly breaks my heart.

At the same time, it makes me extremely grateful to have the opportunity to be in that moment, to teach the class, and to bring these families together. 

So, as I think about you, dear reader, I wonder if you, like these parents I teach, might be out there feeling frustrated or lonely. Feeling like you might be the only one with a child with feeding issues so challenging.

And, I want to validate your struggle. I see you.

What you are doing for your child -

·      Bringing them to the table, or bringing their meal to them

·      Serving another meal they may refuse, or serving only their favorite food so that they will eat

·      Then, meal-planning, grocery shopping, and scraping plates on repeat…

It’s challenging.

And, I hope that even just one person reading this will find relief in learning what these other parents have learned:

You are not the only one.  

The feeding challenges you are facing with your child are real. They are hard.

And, you are not the only one.

Let’s Build a Community

If you’d like to join me in building a community of parents that are facing the same challenges with feeding as you are, you can follow my brand new Facebook page here. In the months to come, I plan to create a special group for parents like you to come together and share about your honey’s eating. When you follow my page, you’ll be the first to know when I open the doors.